Speaking of human events, I have recently decided that it's time to be a responsible adult. Too long have I floated by paycheck to paycheck. I frivolously spend money on unimportant things. I eat out all the time and blow money there. Anyway step one of my being an adult is to be more money better. So rather than buy animals and toys I'm starting to pay back money to people that I owe money to. Then I get to pay student loans. Joy. I had an ironic experience today involving my new money smartness. Life is kinda humorous in a make you want to cry kind of way.
Step two is to take better care of myself. I have been working on losing weight, but I am doing better with my dental hygiene as well. I really don't know why I have any teeth at all, or why I don't have a dozen cavities because it the not so distant past I'd only brush my teeth once every couple of weeks or so. I know it's gross, but it's a boring chore and ever since I tore part of my upper gums off in a car crash it has been kind of painful. Whenever I was dating anyone I took real good care of my teeth. bahaha.
And the third step is to decide really where I want to be and what I want to be doing the rest of my life. So far I've come up with moving to (---) and going back to school to do physical therapy. I'll still be doing what I love, but I'll be more marketable and make more money. More money of course taking us back full triangle to where we started on this post.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Chester Chooses Chestnuts
I know Imma be leaving Texas at the end of the summer or thereabouts, the question is where. I have several places I've been thinking about that each have their own draws.
Utah has my nephews, friends, girls, and the possibility to go back to school to get a bigger degree and a higher paying job. I love doing massage, but it isn't proving to be that lucrative.
Missouri has most of my family either there or close unto and my childhood friends. I know I'd be happy there but jobs are not great paying. On the other hand life is cheaper there. I love Missouri, I really really do. It feels like home every time I'm there.
Islands, be it Hawaii or Cayman. I love the tropics, I love the plants and the ocean and sea life. I could be happy there, but I wouldn't have any of my family.
My last option is to just leave entirely and retire from humanity. By this I mean I'd disappear to the Philippines and write off the rest of my life and the States.
I haven't even thought more about it than what I've laid out above. I don't know what to think and which to think about. I am leaning really strong in one direction over the others, but there's a fairly close second in the mix. I don't know, I just don't know. I guess I need to find somewhere and somehow to be happy and financially stable...but where?
Utah has my nephews, friends, girls, and the possibility to go back to school to get a bigger degree and a higher paying job. I love doing massage, but it isn't proving to be that lucrative.
Missouri has most of my family either there or close unto and my childhood friends. I know I'd be happy there but jobs are not great paying. On the other hand life is cheaper there. I love Missouri, I really really do. It feels like home every time I'm there.
Islands, be it Hawaii or Cayman. I love the tropics, I love the plants and the ocean and sea life. I could be happy there, but I wouldn't have any of my family.
My last option is to just leave entirely and retire from humanity. By this I mean I'd disappear to the Philippines and write off the rest of my life and the States.
I haven't even thought more about it than what I've laid out above. I don't know what to think and which to think about. I am leaning really strong in one direction over the others, but there's a fairly close second in the mix. I don't know, I just don't know. I guess I need to find somewhere and somehow to be happy and financially stable...but where?
Monday, March 15, 2010
I am feeling fat...and sassy
If by now you haven't picked up on it each of my (all 4, i know, shut up) blog titles is a quote from something. Props to anyone who knows them. Carrying on...
For as long as I can remember I have been bigger than everyone, always chubby, always awkward. I was always uncomfortable around people because of my size, ridiculed by kids at school for being a 'fat-ass', called fat and worthless by people who mattered to me, so of course I saw myself as just that, fat. Fatty McFat Fat. That was my identity. I had and still somewhat have horrib;e self-esteem and bad body image issues. A few years ago I decided to just accept it and not care what people thought about me and just live. However there is still the part of my brain that sees someone looking at me and wonders if they're judging me because I'm large or silently laughing about my fairly large 'moobs'. I'm mostly over it, but every now and again fall into my insecurities.
Lately, last October(after having to spend extra on a scale that would show me anything but an 'E') I discovered that I weighed 372 pounds. !. !!. So I decided that rather than just accept it I was going to have to do something about it. People tell me I don't look like I weigh that much and I carry it well. I am also rather active and athletic for my size when i decide to be. But I can definitely feel it. Less energy, effort to do simple things, knees flipping me off etc. Anyway, I decided to do something about it. I'm not doing as much as I could or should, but I am making progress. I switched up the way that I eat, no more fast food or ordering pizza. No more sugars, pop, etc. I'm trying to make an effort to work out somewhat be it go for a walk or lift simple weights. And so far I am doing well. As of today I am at 340, the lightest I've been in about 6 years. My goal is to get down below 300 by the end of the summer and ultimately hit around 250. It's gonna be a long road, and I think it'd be a lot easier if I had a work out buddy, but I'm gonna press on anyway and see what I can do :)
For as long as I can remember I have been bigger than everyone, always chubby, always awkward. I was always uncomfortable around people because of my size, ridiculed by kids at school for being a 'fat-ass', called fat and worthless by people who mattered to me, so of course I saw myself as just that, fat. Fatty McFat Fat. That was my identity. I had and still somewhat have horrib;e self-esteem and bad body image issues. A few years ago I decided to just accept it and not care what people thought about me and just live. However there is still the part of my brain that sees someone looking at me and wonders if they're judging me because I'm large or silently laughing about my fairly large 'moobs'. I'm mostly over it, but every now and again fall into my insecurities.
Lately, last October(after having to spend extra on a scale that would show me anything but an 'E') I discovered that I weighed 372 pounds. !. !!. So I decided that rather than just accept it I was going to have to do something about it. People tell me I don't look like I weigh that much and I carry it well. I am also rather active and athletic for my size when i decide to be. But I can definitely feel it. Less energy, effort to do simple things, knees flipping me off etc. Anyway, I decided to do something about it. I'm not doing as much as I could or should, but I am making progress. I switched up the way that I eat, no more fast food or ordering pizza. No more sugars, pop, etc. I'm trying to make an effort to work out somewhat be it go for a walk or lift simple weights. And so far I am doing well. As of today I am at 340, the lightest I've been in about 6 years. My goal is to get down below 300 by the end of the summer and ultimately hit around 250. It's gonna be a long road, and I think it'd be a lot easier if I had a work out buddy, but I'm gonna press on anyway and see what I can do :)
Friday, March 12, 2010
This is...Perplexing
My roommate turned 30 yesterday, in 7 months I'll be 30. What the crap? When did I get old enough to even consider the concept of turning 30? What have I done in those 30 years? It really seems like a whole lot of nothing. After my mission i just kind of went on auto pilot. I guess I so often as a kid that I should serve a mission that that became the only focus I had in life. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely loved my mission and would do it again if able, but I have no direction now. Perhaps kids should be grilled about going to school etc after their mission. Okay, I went to school...So maybe kids should be grilled about FINISHING school... Which brings up the question when the frik am I gonna finish school? What do I want to be when I grow up (which apparently I have aged to the point where I am considered a grown up)? Thus the title of this post.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Uh huh! Uh huh!
I've had several people ask me about why I have tattoos and what they symbolize to me. I'm not certain that I'm ready to talk about the symbolism of all of them yet, but there are a few that have meaning but not deep meaning to me that I feel okay to talk about.
Firstly many of them, but not all, I got because I was dealing with emotional pain of one kind or another that I couldn't deal with, and I found that if I could translate that emotional pain into physical pain I could much easier get over it and be done with it. It isn't a perfect system, but it worked for me and now that emotional trauma is forgotten.
That said none of my ink was just a willy-nilly "ooh I want something tribal and trendy" like so many people out there get. All of them were well thought out and decided upon months and years before I got them. Most are also nerdy to one degree or another; Star Wars symbols, Lord of the Rings things, Wheel of Time things, Hitchhikers Guide... you get the idea. They remind me of things that I love and that are important to me. I find that due to a few causes my memory is fading and falling apart, so i have these 'strings around my finger' to remind me. Oh how I prattle and ramble on.
The flowers on my shoulder all symbolize the places I've been and how those places and people there have shaped my life, I won't run them all down, but they're all a flower that symbolizes that country to me; the hibiscus for the Philippines, the peony for Japan etc. If you'd like to know any more about them please ask and I will explain in an email more about them.
There is one flower on my shoulder that is extremely special to me and is the sole exception to the 'places' rule. It's a yellow rose with the word 'end' hidden in the leaf. The rose is the birth flower for the month of June when Enoch (my youngest brother) was born, his initials are END, and yellow is my favorite color and the color associated with fun. I got this not long after Enoch passed away and it is the most important think I think that i have ever spent money on.
I have a Far Side cartoon on my back which has always been my favorite cartoon and simply reminds me to laugh, life is a gas (the 'hitchhikers guide piece reminds me of much the same thing). There were a few years that I was completely miserable and lost sight of that. The others on my back are the Star Wars symbols and the battle standard of Muad 'dib. I may be able to talk about those later.
The Filipino writing on my side translates to 'beauty' 'power' and 'love'. Three things that I learned that I have and should share. More info on that if you desire.
I have Lord of the rings on my arm. Superficially it symbolizes goods triumph over evil, there's more personal meaning to it, but I won't share.
On my leg I have a phrase from 'the Wheel of Time' that means 'it's time to toss the dice'. It's supposed to tell me that I don't have to be so anal about thinking about everything so thoroughly, it[s okay to just 'roll the dice' and play them how they land. It's still a work in progress to apply that to my life... Carpe Diem is on my ankle as well as the number of the impact training I went to. More on that by request.
On my other leg I have Link from the 'Legend of Zelda'. This is another one with a few meanings to me; 1)perseverance and endurance through difficulty, 2) simple happiness from playing like a kid and 3)...
Finally on my chest I have an unfinished piece based on the wheel of time. This piece I won't talk about for now.
So these are my pieces and some of what they mean. They (mostly) each have an emotional episode that drove me to get them, if one of those involved you I may tell you about it, or I may not, but I've moved on and any petty stupid things like that have long since been forgiven.
I have a Far Side cartoon on my back which has always been my favorite cartoon and simply reminds me to laugh, life is a gas (the 'hitchhikers guide piece reminds me of much the same thing). There were a few years that I was completely miserable and lost sight of that. The others on my back are the Star Wars symbols and the battle standard of Muad 'dib. I may be able to talk about those later.
The Filipino writing on my side translates to 'beauty' 'power' and 'love'. Three things that I learned that I have and should share. More info on that if you desire.
I have Lord of the rings on my arm. Superficially it symbolizes goods triumph over evil, there's more personal meaning to it, but I won't share.
On my leg I have a phrase from 'the Wheel of Time' that means 'it's time to toss the dice'. It's supposed to tell me that I don't have to be so anal about thinking about everything so thoroughly, it[s okay to just 'roll the dice' and play them how they land. It's still a work in progress to apply that to my life... Carpe Diem is on my ankle as well as the number of the impact training I went to. More on that by request.
On my other leg I have Link from the 'Legend of Zelda'. This is another one with a few meanings to me; 1)perseverance and endurance through difficulty, 2) simple happiness from playing like a kid and 3)...
Finally on my chest I have an unfinished piece based on the wheel of time. This piece I won't talk about for now.
So these are my pieces and some of what they mean. They (mostly) each have an emotional episode that drove me to get them, if one of those involved you I may tell you about it, or I may not, but I've moved on and any petty stupid things like that have long since been forgiven.
Friday, March 5, 2010
Respectobiggle
The reason that i haven't really done anything with this blog is firstly that my typing skills are poor and secondly that i didn't know where to start. Frak the first, and as for the second i'll just start now and go wherever my meandering mind takes me.
So the primary point i have to make here is that i have 11 amazing siblings that are all in my top ten favorite people. before yuo complain that i have 11 people in my top ten take a second to think about how absurd it is that james bond was voted the 'best trilogy' last year. yeah, now 11/10 doesn't look so bad eh?
Anyway to each and every one of my siblings: you all amaze me, you're all awesome, i love you all more than pizza. keep in mind that i rea-ea-eally love pizza.
Anywho, i got to visit two of my sisters in Utah this past week. 2 and 4 as it were. I had way too much fun. I kinda met 4s bf, and got to play with 2s little boys. they wore me out lol. such cute kids. (mary is 2, Rachel is 4)
on my way back from said trip i almost shut the airport down with a bag of salt in my backpack. it was awesome. they thought that it was some sort of ...thing... i guess.
Back to my sibs; i talk to s1 on the phone all the time and live with b2. Love it. s1 is super hilarious and fun to talk to, and i wish i was as good a kid as b2, i'm glad he's here with me. were he not then this place would be intolerable. i havent seen b1 in too long, he also has a couple darling boys. b3 i talk to probably weekly, but it seems that i don't have as much in common with him as the others. b4 is on a mission for another almost 2 years, i email when i think about it. s3 is my dear my darling one, she's the sweetest girl i know, and believe me when i say i know a lot of girls :P b5 just got his permit to drive, i fear now. b6 is in my heart always and memorialized on my arm, we had him longer than many doctors thought we would, but it wasn't near long enough. and finally there is s5. she's pure awesome, time will tell how she turns out, but i absolutely love her. weird to me that she'll be 11 this year. way too smurfing weird.
in a nutcase, i suppose this blog will be whatever the phelps comes to mind at any given time. it may not be coherent or cohesive, or any other label, but it'll be interesting :)
So the primary point i have to make here is that i have 11 amazing siblings that are all in my top ten favorite people. before yuo complain that i have 11 people in my top ten take a second to think about how absurd it is that james bond was voted the 'best trilogy' last year. yeah, now 11/10 doesn't look so bad eh?
Anyway to each and every one of my siblings: you all amaze me, you're all awesome, i love you all more than pizza. keep in mind that i rea-ea-eally love pizza.
Anywho, i got to visit two of my sisters in Utah this past week. 2 and 4 as it were. I had way too much fun. I kinda met 4s bf, and got to play with 2s little boys. they wore me out lol. such cute kids. (mary is 2, Rachel is 4)
on my way back from said trip i almost shut the airport down with a bag of salt in my backpack. it was awesome. they thought that it was some sort of ...thing... i guess.
Back to my sibs; i talk to s1 on the phone all the time and live with b2. Love it. s1 is super hilarious and fun to talk to, and i wish i was as good a kid as b2, i'm glad he's here with me. were he not then this place would be intolerable. i havent seen b1 in too long, he also has a couple darling boys. b3 i talk to probably weekly, but it seems that i don't have as much in common with him as the others. b4 is on a mission for another almost 2 years, i email when i think about it. s3 is my dear my darling one, she's the sweetest girl i know, and believe me when i say i know a lot of girls :P b5 just got his permit to drive, i fear now. b6 is in my heart always and memorialized on my arm, we had him longer than many doctors thought we would, but it wasn't near long enough. and finally there is s5. she's pure awesome, time will tell how she turns out, but i absolutely love her. weird to me that she'll be 11 this year. way too smurfing weird.
in a nutcase, i suppose this blog will be whatever the phelps comes to mind at any given time. it may not be coherent or cohesive, or any other label, but it'll be interesting :)
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