Thank you so bloody much!

Who says the universe doesn't have a sense of humor. I got over the gout about 4 days ago, and then yesterday I destroyed my back. It's kind of a funny story though...

I had a client I was doing a deep tissue massage on and (not too uncommon like) he fell asleep. At the spa I work at we drape the feet with hot towels when we're done massaging them because a) it feels good, and b) it cleans the oil/cream/ lotion off of their feet so they don't slip slide around in their sandals.

So I drape his foot in the hot towel and startle him into awakeness and cause his leg to kick out at me. So as not to get kicked in the face I turned and jumped out of the way tweaking several vertebra in my lower back in the process.

Knowing as I do all the muscles and bones in the body and their interactions with one another; I could tell by my posture, the way I felt, and limitations on my movement exactly what happened and what needed to be done to fix it. My thoracolumbar hinge (t-11 through l-2) was misaligned from the rest of my back and twisted to the left. Being a massage therapist, having been in school for physical therapy, and knowing several chiropractors I knew that I had to get the erector muscles to relax and needed the 3 vertebra put back into proper alignment. HOWEVER, I couldn't just go do that because as it happened at work I had to go to the workers comp doctor and get his diagnosis. Apparently self diagnosing is a no no even if you have a ridiculous knowledge base.

So I go to the minor emergency center and have to sit in a hard chair in the waiting room for an hour. Not great seeing as how I couldn't twist at all and my left shoulder was being pulled by those erectors downward towards my hip. So I couldn't shift positions at all, and any motion whatsoever caused pain to shoot up and down my spine. Finally I go in to see a nurse who takes my temperature and blood pressure then takes me to a treatment room. Total time with nurse - 5 minutes and 27 seconds. There's a stopwatch function on my stopwatch, I was bored/curious (quite different from bi/curious thank you). I wated quite uncomfortably in the treatment room under the assurance that "the doctor will be in in a minute". The treatment room for the record had miniature furniture and pictures from Disney animated features on the wall. Not a good room for a 6'5" patient if you ask me.

Exactly 1 hour, 2 minutes, and 37 seconds later (there's an app for that) the doctor comes in. He asks me whats wrong and I tell him how this happened and then state "I have no problems with lateral flexion of the spine but any flexion, extension or twisting causes pain originating in my thoracolumbar hinge to shoot up into my cervicals". He blinked at me a few times and asks if I have pain shooting down my leg. I know that he's asking about sciatica type pain (stupid as the sciatic nerve outlets from l-4 [sometimes, not often, as high as l-3] through s-3) and tell him that no my pelvis and legs don't have any pain at all.

Apparently this answer doesn't satisfy him because he next did reflex tests and resistance tests on my legs and feet to see if they are affected. They're not, like I just informed him. I then point out that my shoulder is being pulled down meaning the erectors have seized on my left hand side, further meaning that there must be a spinal problem the muscles are protecting there. He blinks at me again. He then tells me that all he can do is give me some muscle relaxers and pain meds to ease my discomfort and suggests I go to 6 weeks of physical therapy and come back to see if I have made any progress. I ask if he would recommend seeing a chiropractor. He tells me that workers comp won't cover it. I inform him that workers comp will cover it if he recommends/prescribes it. He blinks AGAIN! "well, I don't think they can help you, I really think you need a regimen of physical therapy."

Annoying stupid uneducated man. I tell him I was in school for physical therapy and know exactly what they will have me do then I ask if I can just do that at home on my own. He thinks this a spiffing idea and gives his approval. He wrote me my prescription and left. Time with doctor: 9 minutes and 17 seconds. I have now been at the emergency roomy thingy for 2 and a half hours and spent nearly 15 minutes with the staff.

I went to walmart and got my pills because I had to be able to work today and would not have been able to do that without the drugs.

On monday I am going to go see a chiropractor and pay him out of my own pocket rather than do 6 weeks of physical therapy. On tuesday I will be 100% better. Stupid western medicine and idiotic worthless physicians.